Happy Birthday (:

To continue with what I was saying last week, this morning just proved that she doesn't wanna talk to me. Btw happy birthday amber. Anyways... I just don't feel the same anymore about the friendship. It just isn't what it used to be anymore. We both pretty much have went our seperate ways. It just won't be as hard next year when I really have to say goodbye to her. But who knows, maybe it won't matter, maybe no one would even bother to say goodbye. Maybe I have just become an outcast trying to fit in.

Prom Aftermath

Well why is it so hard for me to move on, even when I know for a fact that she doesnt like me like that anymore. No matter how hard I try it just doesn't work. Cool so enrique doesn't hate me, yet she says we would still be able to hangout even if they date. I for one thinks that that's a lie. I'm positive that he wouldn't let me be alone with her just to hangout. That would be stupid of him to do. She Saids things aren't going to change. But it's obvious that it will. I try to move on but everytime I see her, and look at her eyes, things go back to the way they were before and I just start liking her again. Even though knowing that it will never be what it used to be. I think it is time for me to lock this app so that others are unable to read it. I think that it would be pretty bad if they did.  It amazes me how much of a roller coaster this friendship has become. We started off testing for a little bit to everyday to webcam skyping and talking on the phone to a relationship then to nothing at all. The last actually conversation I had with her was at her house after prom. Now i cant even text her since she doesn't reply anymore. :/ goodbye

I'm Losing You :[

I feel like the people that I love are slowly disappearing from me. I don't know why but everyone I love is moving on away. There was a question on formspring asking "who are you closest to?" I do not know how to even that question anymore. I don't think I'm close to anyone anymore. I haven't been able to talk to anyone about anything anymore. I have become almost an outcast. It feels as though I am once again new to the school but I'm not.

prom

Well yesterday was prom. Somehow I got myself to get excited for prom. Dang amber was beautiful in her dress and with the blue eye shadow. Dare I say it but amber was hot! I actually was jealous of Luke because he had a goregous date. Well besides that I was not too extactic about anything else from Luke. For once I was actually scared of someone driving. It wasn't that he wasnt speeding or the fact he wasn't distracted. He was just a horrible driver. Prom did 2 things for me. It let me figure out that Morgan is just a friend and I don't have feelings for her.she has a nose ring and that is hot!  And that Leslie is kinda hot >.< well she can grind. You know..I think that I still have feelings for amber..but just a little bit. I know that this feeling is going to be there and that it will never go away. I just need to learn that there nothing I can do about it, that maybe it just wasn't meant to be. I know that she doesn't have feelings for me. Well if things go as they are heading now, I won't be seeing amber much anymore since she would be Enrique :/ this summer could be a
really hard summer for me. All my bestfriends are either in a relationship or going to be in one so there won't be one on one hangouts with them :( I also have found out a part of my depression problem is me writing in this note. It also is caused by my enormous amount of thinking. I've tried before to not get so sad but nothing seems to help. I always have the feeling of loneliness. I just don't know anymore. Ive been trying and my friends have kept me afloat, but for how long before I sink away?

excite for prom

Well prom is only a week away now and im starting to not care for it anymore. It just seems like another event. And as it draws near, the more I don't feel like going. But I have to. I have a date there and I can't really just ditch her because that would be mean. And I feel like amber doesn't want to be left alone with Luke. Well I'm started to become normal again..sorta. Every couple hours, something would happen and it would come back but at least now it's under control...sort of. Well gotta go seeyah after prom