hot or not?

Hmm gaww I can't seem to figure out what's wrong with me today. Smile I should be but I can't seem to do. My prom idea worked and Morgan said yes. So amber asked how I feel about her. How do I feel about her? Hmm I really don't know. She really pretty and she different from the rest I have dated. She is really quiet and almost the mysterious type. Gaww. Maybe it's a crush I have on her. Well I know I have a crush on her but I'm pretty sure nothing is going to happen at all. Hmm I like talking to her. Her piercings are hot too! There very interesting! I wonder where else she has them. She very fun to talk to at times. And her eyes! They are really cute. So like I said I still don't know. On second note, I'm really glad that amber and I are somewhat back to normal. I still can't hang with her alone because then luke wouldn't like it too much. Thank god prom is only a couple weeks away so afterward I can actually start hanging with amber again. Hopefully! (who cares what Luke thinks?! :P ~Amber)

Prom Asking time

Hmm prom askin time. I've been thinking for the past week on how to ask Morgan to prom and I think I have finally got it! It should be really sweet! Also I have found out what makes me half depressed so that's a plus. This week I have also found out how people really care. Only the ones that truly care are the ones that ask what's wrong and are persistent about it. And so far it would have to be amber and madison. I thank then. Only them..mainly Madison lately..have actually saved my life. If it wasnt for them. I'm pretty sure I would have been a goner. Well I'm tired so short note this week. Hopefully prom date goes well and the rest of the week as well.

prom thinking

Everyday.. It just seems to be getting worse and worse. I promised amber I would stop thinking about this, but I can't .it has become a part of me. Everywhere I go in the high school people talk about prom and it saddens me even more. Not only is it prom but they all talk about relationships. Prom is pretty bad. I wanna go but I don't at the same time. I just don't feel like I belong there anymore. I just don't belong anywhere anymore. Mentally I cannot handle this anymore, everyone and their talking about prom just saddens my heart and makes me more and more depressed. Life is mentally and emotional getting really hard for me. Many times I wonder if this is all worth it anymore. Each and everytime I zone out, I think about death and if it would be worth it. I just don't belong in my group of friends anymore. They are better off without me and wouldn't even care if I was gone

My Birthday ...depressed

So typical me, depressed and thinking once again. The worse combination that anyone could give me. Whenever I think, it's usually not the greatest, when I think, I think of death. Combined with the depression that I am going through equals death big time. I just don't even know why anymore, why am I depressed now. I just am :/ i think it just because I think I miss the feeling of actually being loved. Everyone around me is going into a relationship. Everyone I know has found someone that cares for them. Then there is prom. Prom this, prom that, everyone is making it such a big deal. Well side note " happy birthday to me" I wonder who really knew that it's my birthday today. I guess I'll never find out. Make to what I was talking about. Everyone around me cares for someone...as for me, no one cares about me. I just that one dude that comes and leaves the high school. I'm not important or anything at all. I just want it to end right now. I just don't wanna go through this pain anymore, it's so bad as I don't even remember the last time I was actually happy. The people ive cared for, have drifted away leaving no one left in my life. So I end this note with happy birthday to me, the only one who truly cares.

friendships

This week has been one interesting week. I started talking to Cassie a whole lot and Madison as well..when she came back from her Mexico trip. Amber and I still haven't really technically hung out so that means I won't be talking to her. Or trying not to and failing is probably what's going to happen. I told her once and I've told her before, we just weren't meant to hang out. Our friendship is going down the drain and I have a feeling it's not coming back up anymore. I mean I've tried and tried and tried but it's no use now. There so many times where I wonder if she just faking us being friends but she truly doesnt want us to be friends anymore. It could be. I feel like trying no more. I promised you that we would be together as friends but this promise is too hard to keep. If you keeping acting the way you do, well I just don't see a future with us together. You gave me your word that we would hang out this spring break..you gave Me it. And it did not happen. I went to the movies with you and if to wanna call that us hanging out then fine but it really was like only 5 minutes max of us talking or even being near each other. I am sorry to say but you have changed so much.
Today I watched Tron with my bro and it reminded me so much of what it was like back then. Now you have almost become unworthy in my life.
So now that I've talk to madison about this, about how amber has changed. I can't put too much into this because of the people that read this. I really don't know where I would be without Madison. If it wasnt for her, I would still have a lot of things bottle up inside. She has become the 3rd person after KJ, who I got bored of at times trying to talk to her about things, and amber, well that easy as to why I don't open to her anymore. So now it all Madison and her vent sesh. thank you Madison. I think without you, I would have been gone a long time ago